it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
