one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Dignity is for republicans.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
