I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
