ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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