so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
