If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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