Plan B is the new Plan A
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize