Can Purell be used as lube?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
