I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
