I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
