That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I can feel your judgement through the phone
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
