hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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