I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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