he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
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you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
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I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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