evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Blood and glitter go together right?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
All the doctor said was why
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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