I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
