My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
