I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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