just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
