God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
