Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
