U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
These tits shall not be calmed
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize