I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
