We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
