People in love make me want to vomit
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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