She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
