you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
