I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Randomize
