she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
