It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
