woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Randomize
