do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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