Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
