She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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