god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
