You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
