Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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