Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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