1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
