Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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