Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
