it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
