It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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