I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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