Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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