so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
