i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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