Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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