i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
