i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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