I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
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just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize