you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize