Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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