my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
