What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Randomize
