Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
only if we run a train.
done.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Randomize
