you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
