Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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