he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
