when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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