He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
