Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
