went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
