TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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