maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
