i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
God, I missed his penis.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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