I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
