I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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