I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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